I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
