Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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