maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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