So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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