There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
