I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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