if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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