You can't motorboat a personality
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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