I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
