i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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