Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
