at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
