Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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