YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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