I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
