She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
