I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
