Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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