that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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