When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
