You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
