i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
