You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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