I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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