This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
