i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
