I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
