let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She told me I should be a condom model.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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