I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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