I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
