He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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