yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
