I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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