he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
