Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
