God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
