that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
