i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
