I love black thongs
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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