No stitches, just platelets and will power
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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