i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
