Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
