Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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