we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
