I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
