im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
