Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
