i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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