There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
