This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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