margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
