thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
