community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
