The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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